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That suggests a toxic marital dynamic, fueled by anger and resentment. But I do think that as a family we function very well together, and even for the most part in our day-to-day relationship. On a recent visit, I smelled the distinct odor of tobacco smoke on him when he exited his car. With this in mind, I moved forward with him, believing that eventually our sex life would become more adventurous. However, our family functions well as a unit, and he is a good, involved father, and a generally decent husband, so the thought of breaking up our family is heartbreaking to me and seems very selfish. And without being able to put your finger on why, you know they'd be superb in bed. A version of this article appears in print on , on Page 26 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: He and my husband do not know each other; he lives very far away from us, and I am in his area only once or twice a year. They are highly tactile people who squeeze, cuddle and kiss their partners frequently even when not initiating sex. I also wonder what you really want from your former lover. How Moral Revolutions Happen. Are your children entirely insulated from it?
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And are these home-front troubles really going to be improved, rather than compounded, if you have an extramarital affair to keep from your husband? What do you think is the appropriate course of action? His answers to me seemed to imply that he was the type who took some time to warm up to new ideas.